Your home contains countless skill-learning opportunities for your young child. You can make each room and each item in the room a learning activity for him if you simply stop for a few moments to show him how something works and let him try it for himself. Listening to explanations, trying out new things, and learning to use something for the first time help children develop both physically and intellectually. Taking care of things One skill that toddlers and preschoolers need is learning how to take proper care of their belongings and surroundings. Make a place for toys to go after they are played with, for clothes to go when they’re not being worn. Then help your child get in the habit of picking up his things when he is done, and hanging up his jackets, folding and putting away his pajamas in the morning, etc. Make learning these habits fun by being lavish with your praise for a job well done. Orderly surroundings give young children a greater sense of security and help them get an early start in forming good habits of their own. Your child’s environment will have a direct effect on his spirit (and yours too), so try to keep it clean, bright, and cheerful. Involving your small child in maintaining that order, beginning with little things, teaches him responsibility for himself and his surroundings. Helping him learn to perform the skills and tasks needed in everyday life also helps him learn new skills, improves his coordination, and teaches him consideration for others. Small children are usually very happy to help around the home and can assist in many needed chores that provide learning experiences. Teach your toddler the art of moving things, such as his small table and chairs, safely, skillfully, and quietly. Teach him to count as he hands you clothespins while you hang up the laundry. Let him help Daddy wash the car. Teach him about food, vitamins, and the importance of cleanliness as he helps prepare the salad for dinner. Daily household chores can be fun learning activities for little children: dumping the waste baskets, cleaning, tidying, sweeping, polishing, dusting, folding clothes, setting tables, washing dishes and clothes, and making beds. When it’s time to clean his room, your toddler or preschooler can help wipe down his toy shelf and wash the plastic toys. Low hooks and shelves for his towel, washcloth, soap, toothbrush, and clothing can turn a dependent, whiny child into a more content and helpful one! Teach your child the proper way to do each task from start to finish. Studying all the different aspects of folding clothes or wiping up dust is very interesting, even absorbing, to a child of two and a half to four years old. He will need time to learn to do it himself. His first tries can’t be expected to be too proficient, but children will gladly try to imitate the correct way of doing things if they are carefully shown how to. Take a “childview” of life Remember that a child often has a different reason than an adult would have for doing something. Often he simply enjoys doing the activity and is not as outcome-motivated as adults tend to be. The activity itself is often reason enough for doing something; finishing what he starts is not so important to him. Sometimes adults become impatient with children for their slowness in doing a task. They can’t see why a child doesn’t just hurry up and finish what he is doing. The child may have a very good attention span for his age, but he may not be focusing his attention on the same thing you are. You may want him to finish some activity because you need to move on to something else, but he may not be so interested in rushing through a perfectly enjoyable activity or moment just to begin something else. If you need to hurry him along, you should take time to explain why you want him to speed up, and how he also will benefit. Try not to rush your child through his day and constantly be pulling him away from absorbing things he is engaged in. Give children time to learn, time to observe, explore, and experience. Don’t rush them through a nature walk, or you may miss something very important. Take full advantage of God’s creation: the sights and sounds, creatures small and great, wind and weather, sunshine and rain. Think back and remember what experiences you had as a child that stand out in your memory, such as going barefoot in rain puddles, or pretending leaves in the tiny stream were boats on a wild river. Give children time and opportunity to learn from the greatest teacher of all—the Creator and His creation. Excerpts of the book "Keys to Toddlers and Preschoolers" by Derek and Michelle Brooks. © Aurora Productions. Used with permission.
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Establishing Guidelines for Safe Internet Usage
The end objective of guidelines for Internet usage is not to put countless rules in place, but rather to teach your child to make responsible choices for him- or herself, which will safeguard him or her in later years. A prime responsibility is to teach your children the value of making the right choices. Your children need to understand why something is right or wrong and from that understanding learn to make decisions. The motivation for making the right decisions online should be based on a clear understanding of what is right and safe and what is dangerous and intellectually unhealthy. You must teach your children how to responsibly use the Internet because the Internet is part of today’s world and technology, and that’s not about to change. A good working knowledge of the Internet and its uses will prepare your children for the inevitability of their use of it in this age of technology. Beginner Preparation Tips for Parents * As much as possible, place the computer your children use in a location where it’s easy to supervise them during their online times. You may want to limit the times of the day when the computer is connected to the Internet, so that all computer time does not equal online time. * When your preteens use the Internet, teach them to have a purpose for what they’re doing online, so that they’re not distracted by the sheer quantity of information and lures. Children must understand that the Internet is not a well-organized, accurate, and safe environment. The Internet is a huge network of computers that make a wide range of information available. Sometimes the information is good and helpful, but sometimes it’s not, and can be harmful or false. * You may want to bookmark a couple of reputable educational sites or online encyclopedias and stick with going to those sites for the information you’re looking for, rather than going through a search engine. As a parent you could invest some time into this on behalf of your children, and keep these sites as “Favorites” in your Web browser. This can also be applied to sites on recreational subjects, personal hobbies, or interests. * As children get older, teach them how to use their time online efficiently. It’s easy for anyone to get pulled into the vast amounts of information, email communications, chats, or simple personal interests online, to the point that the minutes and hours fly by. In this age of technology, teaching your children (and personally learning) to use your online time wisely is important. If you can teach your children these principles during childhood, it will encourage good lifelong habits. Internet Concerns and Dangers Though the advantages and benefits of the Internet are obvious, the potential pitfalls cannot be ignored. Being informed of the hazards will help you to safeguard against them, and teach your children to do so as well. Inappropriate Content A hazard of browsing is that you or your child might land on a site that has inappropriate content, or be redirected to an inappropriate site. Identifying the Risks Data suggests that 90 percent of kids between 8 and 16 have seen inappropriate photos and content while browsing. What kind of browsing practices can have these results? According to one study, kids encountered offensive images most often: * while surfing, * when they had misspelled Web addresses, * when they clicked on a link in a Web site. Safeguarding Strategies * Effective strategies can be used to reduce the possibility of accidental exposure to such materials, such as, teaching effective search, Web access, and email handling techniques. * Children and teens should know how to rapidly respond to any accidental exposure to limit the potential danger of such exposure (i.e., restart their browser). Help them develop a moral stance that leads them to ignore inappropriate content when they come across it, and move on. * Set up the search preferences of the search engine you use to implement the “safe search” features, which may provide some level of protection against accidental access. * Explain to your child that when he or she searches for information using a perfectly appropriate term, the search results could lead to inappropriate sites. To avoid this, your child should carefully read the site description and only click on a link if he or she absolutely sure it will be okay to go to this site. If your child can’t tell for sure, he or she should either not click on it or seek parental guidance. Dealing with the Fallout At some point in your preteen’s life he/she will encounter inappropriate material, whether online, through magazines, TV, etc. It’s not a matter of if, but when. Do not overreact when this happens. Such occurrences should be viewed as opportunities to address these issues and teach your children the values and reasoning behind your safeguards against inappropriate material. Children need explanations, counsel, and direction, tailored to their particular needs and age. If you are uncomfortable discussing these matters with your child or teen, there is information online or from other sources (books, professionals) that can provide further guidance as to how to go about it. The Internet has become integrated into daily living, making accessible information that was previously difficult or costly to obtain. From researching educational topics to playing online educational games, looking up reference material, researching how-to aids, finding useful resources, watching video clips, etc., the Internet has increased and enhanced learning opportunities, as well as provided a means to stay in touch with family and friends.
It would be unreasonable to ignore the ways that the Internet can be used for good. At the same time, there is not only great potential for it to be an avenue for ungodly influences, but there are also many practical security and safety issues to consider. Instilling Values Your children are inexperienced, which is why they need your guidance to instill in them the right set of values to apply to their online times. This set of values that you instill in your children, rather than specific rules, will in the long run provide them with the greatest safety measure. One day you will not be there peering over their shoulders checking what they do; before long they will be teenagers and adults and will have to make the choices to do right and to steer away from danger based on personal conviction rather than fear of punishment. You have the privilege of shaping your children’s values and morals; do so wisely. Social concerns Socially, the Web can become a world of its own, representing a wealth of possibility and discovery for children and young people who engage in online activities. Shy children who have a hard time expressing themselves in face-to-face communications may have little difficulty doing so online—or to the contrary the Internet can encourage such shyness, insecurity, and low self-esteem, because it does not provide opportunities for them to grow in their verbal communication and presentation. There is also the danger of Internet addiction, and the concerns of providing your child with a balanced array of experiences and activities to ensure healthy development in all areas of his or her life. It’s important to realize that children need time experiencing life away from the computer and Internet, where they can partake in practical life skills, develop social skills, enjoy outdoor recreation, etc. The computer and the Internet should never replace the fundamentals of a child’s upbringing that provide experience and perspective on life and living it to the full. How Much Time? Aside from safety issues and practical concerns, another area of your child’s Internet usage that you, as parents, should monitor and evaluate is the amount of time that your child spends at a computer. Inordinate or unnecessary exposure to computers at a young age can create an appetite for continual visual stimulation, which can hinder your child’s desire for a physically active lifestyle or your child’s social development. Providing your child with a wide range of real-life activities is in itself one of the most important safeguarding strategies to not only keeping the aforementioned Internet concerns and dangers at bay, but ensuring your child’s healthy development in all areas of his or her life. Childhood is meant to be an active time, filled with fun, activities, adventure, challenges, and thrills—not the lethargy-inducing pull of computers. When children are young, they are forming their mindsets. They are deciding how they will approach life, what they’ll do with their lives, and spending hours in front of a computer is really sad. You have to instill that desire for an active lifestyle by doing activities that keep them stirred up. They’ll balk and want to sit down at the computer, but it’s up to you to find ways to energize their lives, to make them want to go outside and have fun rather than sit in the house all day and waste away. Parental Guidance One of the best methods for controlling what your child is exposed to on the Internet is old-fashioned parental guidance. You know what is appropriate for your child to view and what isn’t. There are a variety of programs available to help parents control the access their children have to the Internet. This type of software is designed for a range of actions, from filtering out sites that are not child friendly to restricting the amount of time that a child spends online. Any filtering systems that you consider for your situation should be in addition to your supervision and the guidelines concerning length of time, purpose of use, etc., that you’ve instituted with your child. The Internet can be a wonderful education and reference tool, and installing software that will filter out inappropriate material will enhance the quality of your Internet searches and online time. If you do decide to install filtering software on the computer your children have access to, you could use this opportunity to teach your child why you are doing so. A danger lies in thinking that after installing such software that your preteens are now safe and no longer need supervision and instruction from you. The software will only do a measure of safeguarding. So while the filtering software will alleviate some concerns, as the parent it is your ultimate responsibility to ensure that your children learn how to protect themselves from inappropriate material later on in life when they may not have filtering or other forms of external constraints. At such times they will also need to have a good understanding and personal conviction as to why inappropriate sites should be avoided. Catherine Neve
Believe it or not, young children like to help out. It's true! Children actually enjoy and take pride in being helpful until they are "taught" otherwise. It's only when they hear their parents or older siblings grumbling about "having to do" this or that around the house that helping out becomes a chore. If approached positively, helping out can seem more like play. It can also go a long way in building self-esteem and instilling other qualities that will greatly benefit the children in school and throughout life, such as self-discipline, initiative, diligence, perseverance, self-reliance, and being responsible. The kitchen is a great place for helping out. Preschoolers can help with simple meal prep, beginning with washing vegetables, spreading peanut butter onto sandwiches, or mixing cookie dough or pancake batter. The table needs to be set and cleared, and spills wiped up. Young children enjoy using hand brooms and dustpans, and they love getting under tables and into other places we adults have a hard time reaching. You can also let your little one sort and put away the silverware (or nonbreakable plates, bowls and cups) after the dishes are washed and dried. If you keep it fun and reward them with praise and recognition, they will be thrilled when they "graduate" to washing or drying alongside you, and eventually on their own. And it doesn't need to stop in the kitchen. Even toddlers can learn to help tidy their rooms, put away their things, and fold their pajamas or clean laundry. Nor does it need to end when your children reach school age. It was a milestone for my children when they were considered old and responsible enough to use the vacuum cleaner. Some children like to clean bathroom sinks and change the hand towels. Others like to rake leaves or mown grass, or help wash the car. Some older ones like to sew on buttons or do other simple mending. The list is endless--just look around! Assigning game names to household jobs is good "marketing strategy." The first such game I taught my children when they were little was "Ant Hill." They pretended they were ants and scurried around, taking every toy, block, or stuffed animal that was left out back to the "ant hill" (where it belonged). Even babies can learn to play this game, sitting in your lap or next to you as the two of you take turns putting blocks or other small toys into a box--then you praise, praise, praise! Some possible pitfalls and how to avoid them:
There are so many benefits to making work fun for children. Not only will they learn practical skills and develop character, but as you work alongside them they will also learn to work as a team and better appreciate how much you and others do for them. Originally published in Activated Magazine. Used with permission. Michelle Lynch
I watched from my window as a group of neighborhood children tried to retrieve a ball that had fallen into a drain. One boy reached in to get it, and pulled out a handful of leaves and dirt instead. That handful was followed by a second and a third of the same. Soon he and his friends had forgotten all about their ball game and were enthusiastically cleaning out the drain. They worked tirelessly for nearly four hours, as a couple of their parents stood by to guide them. As I watched that group of five- to twelve-year-olds work happily together, I thought about my oldest son, now in his teens, and how much responsibility I had given him when he was a child. By contrast, my six- and eight-year-old sons weren’t nearly as responsible. That’s when it dawned on me that I wasn’t expecting enough of my younger boys. The difference was in me. Like most kids their age, my younger two were sometimes rascals, but they also had a desire to help out and take responsibility. I needed to learn to channel their energy in the right direction and in a way that would inspire them rather than push them. I decided to start working with them each weekend. We tackled such needed projects as gardening, sweeping the driveway, raking leaves, cleaning the pantry, and making jam. Most of these jobs required physical exertion that burned up their excess energy—and they loved it! I needed and appreciated the help and it kept my boys occupied and out of trouble, but best of all we found that working together can be a fun and unifying experience. Before long they would actually ask, “Can we do one of those fun projects, so it’s not a boring weekend?” Some of the things I learned to keep in mind are: - Be realistic when choosing jobs and setting goals. Don’t get into such a big project that it will leave a mess or create other problems if you run out of steam or time. - Spending quality time together is more important than getting the job done. If I go into the job with my primary goals being to give my boys attention and to strengthen the bonds between us rather than getting a lot done, we actually get more done and it doesn’t become a chore. - Pour on the praise and appreciation. I make a point to be both lavish and specific when I thank my boys for their help and the difference their hard work will make for our whole family. - Reward jobs well done. Knowing that there will be a little treat at the end helps the job go faster, even if the reward is no more than a special snack that the kids fix themselves. My long-term goal, of course, was to teach the boys to take initiative and be responsible when I wasn’t there to remind them or work with them. As they gradually became more responsible, things that I had first done for them and then with them—like washing dishes, for example—they were able to do on their own. I could expect more of them, but they still needed commendation from me. There’s a subtle but important difference between doing things out of a sense of responsibility and doing them out of duty alone. I soon learned that if I failed to keep my boys motivated by praising them for being responsible and working hard, tasks that had once been fun and rewarding challenges became drudgery. I needed to be careful not to take their help for granted. Another tricky situation was what to do when the boys couldn’t fulfill one of their new responsibilities. I didn’t want to be hardline, but also didn’t want to be so lenient that they stopped taking their responsibilities seriously. It was actually my youngest son who helped me solve this dilemma. He had a good reason for not being able to help with dinner dishes one night, so he offered to do one of my small jobs the next day if I’d do his dishes. His sweet presentation put all of our household chores into the realm of a team effort. It wasn’t a matter of bartering jobs in a self-serving sort of way, but rather a matter of shifting responsibilities. Of course I was happy to say yes, and I heaped on the thanks the next day when he fulfilled his offer without being reminded. From what I learned by watching those neighborhood children clean out that drain and from working with my own children since, I think I can safely say that most children desire responsibility. They are just waiting to be helpful; they’re waiting on us parents to provide the spark that makes it fun and rewarding for them. If they learn to enjoy and take pride in work when they’re little, they will carry that attitude into the responsibilities that come with adulthood. That’s something that contributes to our overall happiness, I think, and something we all want for our children. Taken from Activated magazine. Used with permission. By Josie Clark I think I have been guilty of saying “I’m sorry” too much, and that seems to have given my children the wrong idea. Years ago, for example, when my five-year-old fell off his bike, I said I was sorry. I had specifically told him to not ride up the hill on his newly acquired used bike until his dad had checked the brakes and taught him to use them, but he went up the hill anyway. The brakes worked fine, as it turned out, but he didn’t know what to do and panicked. He sailed down the hill, veered into a cornfield, and caromed back onto the road, where he crashed. He doesn’t remember anything after that, but he was found chin down on the asphalt and needed some stitches. When I arrived at the scene of the accident, I said I was sorry. Of course, I was sorry. I felt terrible for not having watched him more closely. I felt his pain as we rushed him to the hospital. I still feel sorry every time I notice the scar it left. But somehow, my “sorry-ness” caused a misunderstanding. A few weeks ago we talked about this event that took place years ago, and he still thought that accident was somehow my fault. He didn’t remember the clear warning. He didn’t remember disobeying. He only remembers me saying I was sorry, which he took at the time to mean that I had been to blame, not him. Sorry-ness is an easy habit to fall into, and it can develop into a pattern where teens blame their parents for the consequences of their own bad decisions. In reality, if the parents have been doing their job of teaching their children to make smart, responsible decisions, when accidents happen or things go wrong, it is usually the children’s fault for not listening to their parents. I’m sorry my son disobeyed. I’m sorry he got hurt. And I’m sorry I allowed that misunderstanding to happen. I’m sorry for my sorry-ness. I should have said, “I’m so sorry you disobeyed. I’m sorryyou didn’t listen. I’m sorry this happened, but I’m sure you learned a good lesson and won’t make this same mistake again.” The happy ending to this story is that I was able to clear up this misunderstanding with my son, who is now a teenager facing much bigger decisions than where to ride his bike. He knows he will always have my help, love, and sympathy, but he also understands that ultimately he bears the responsibility for his decisions. Taken from Activated! Magazine. Used with permission. |
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